False: Family is Family, Business is Business

Our guest expert today is Stan Diver. Stan is an expert in helping family businesses achieve success. Bio.

“It’s not personal; it’s strictly business.” You summon the character Michael Corleone from the movie The Godfather when you’re trying to cope with tension in your family business. 

But you saw the movie and just how untrue that statement was. Family business is always personal.

I would know. As a business consultant, I assist family-business owners with communication, problem-solving, and strategic succession planning.

Family Isn’t Just Family When You Own a Family Business

Your family-owned business is run by your family. And that makes it difficult to address issues.  

You celebrate birthdays with these “business partners.” You’ve seen them have arguments with their mother. You’ve seen them review numbers with the CFO. 

They’re not just business partners.

If you fire a sibling, an in-law, or a cousin, Thanksgiving dinner will be awkward. That's how we, as humans, function. 

Saying to yourself that “family is family and business is business” is an excuse and an easy out that makes you more comfortable when making hard decisions. 

Separating family and business doesn't work. 

Trying to separate your family from your business is an unproductive, harmful tactic. It puts your company's success and your relationships at risk by causing more problems that affect everyone. 

Have Difficult Conversations with Your Family

The Wright Brothers were good at having difficult conversations. 

On an episode of the podcast “Hidden Brain,” guest Adam Grant says: 

“Of all the moments in history that I would love to witness, I think watching the Wright Brothers argue would be pretty high on my list.” 

Task Conflict vs. Relationship Conflict

Task conflict is when you are facing a specific problem. But, two people cause relationship conflict by disliking each other and not focusing on the problem. 

Identify Your Family's Conflict Type

Identifying what kind of conflict you're having can help you confront all forms of issues with all your employees, especially your family.

Have these difficult conversations—whether it’s about your personal relationship, job performance, decision-making, or anything else that needs to be addressed. Talk to your family for the betterment of your business and your relationships.

Have these tough conversations regularly. 

Have them before the situation is blown out of proportion by family gossip or arguments from unresolved anger. 

Every Business Decision Affects the Family…Personally

You own your family business. But you’re also a spouse. A sibling. A cousin. A friend. 

You can’t separate business and family. When you try to, your business and your relationships suffer. 

Remember, as a business owner, you’ll wear many hats, and you have to wear them at the same time.

Guest Author: Stan Diver

Stan Diver has 35 years of business experience. As a business consultant, he helps business owners unlock what they already know, allowing them to see things in new ways and recognize opportunities they can’t see. He persuasively initiates critical but difficult conversations about issues of governance, transitions, social responsibility, and leading in a crisis.

Visit Diver and Associates to learn how to handle conflict in your family business.